


as my memory rests

by bellamysprincess



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: F/M, Gen, also clarke griffin deserves the world, also it’s midnight and K just wrote this whole thing in under and hour, enjoy the sadness, i cried while writing it, sorry this is so sad, this is really and emotional rollercoaster
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-13
Updated: 2018-12-13
Packaged: 2019-09-17 10:21:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,771
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16972785
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bellamysprincess/pseuds/bellamysprincess
Summary: Bellamy is picking up his phone to call his fiancée once again when he happens to see the police car pull up outside.He freezes.They aren’t here because of Clarke. It’s one of the neighbors. She has to be ok.-The story of Clarke Griffin and Bellamy Blake and how it ended much too soon.





	as my memory rests

**Author's Note:**

> This story is unedited as it is midnight and I wrote the whole thing in an hour. This story means a lot to me and i honestly hope you like it, no matter how sad it is.

**November 14th, 2018**

 

Clarke Griffin dies on a Thursday..

 

1992-2018 Twenty-six years old.

 

Loving Mother, Daughter, and Friend.

 

A beautiful soul.

 

Fiancée.

 

Almost wife.

 

Bellamy is picking up his phone to call his fiancée once again when he happens to see the police car pull up outside.

 

He freezes.

 

_ They aren’t here because of Clarke. It’s one of the neighbors. She has to be ok. _

 

Bellamy stands completely frozen as a young police officer walks up to their front door. He rings the doorbell. 

 

Apollo, their golden retriever, runs forward excitedly.

 

Bellamy walks forward slowly, wishing this were anyone else. Or that someone would pop out and say it’s just some sick joke.

 

No one does.

 

The officer looks solemn, scared, like he’s never had to deliver news like this before. That’s when Bellamy knows.

 

“Is this the home of Clarke Griffin?”

 

**October 31, 2014**

 

Bellamy rolls his eyes at Miller as they weave through the crowd. He is  _ not _ in the mood for a party, he’s got papers to grade and a paper to  _ write _ for his midterm due Sunday night.

 

But he agreed to wingman Miller tonight, so here he is, dressed as a gladiator and holding a plastic cup filled with cheap beer.

 

Octavia is here somewhere, she disappeared with her new friends about half an hour ago and Bellamy hasn’t seen her since, which is worrisome, but he trusts Raven not to let his sister do anything too idiotic.

 

Just then, Miller spots the sophomore he has a crush on and drags Bellamy over to where Monty is standing with his best friend, Jasper Jordan, Raven, and a blonde girl he doesn’t recognize.

 

“Bellamy, there you are!” Raven cheers, knocking her cup against his with a sarcastic grin.

 

“Reyes, where’s my sister?”

 

Raven gives him an unimpressed glare. “She and Harper went to the bathroom, don’t worry,  _ dad. _ ”

 

“I’m gonna go grab another drink,” the blonde pipes up, “you guys want any?”

 

Jasper and Raven nod and she heads off, Bellamy let’s his eyes trail after her, she’s hot, dressed as Supergirl, tight latex and thigh high red boots, her hair curling around her shoulders.

 

“Who’s that?” Bellamy asks, turning his attention back to Raven.

 

“Clarke Griffin, we went to highschool together, she just transferred,” Raven replies, giving him a warning glance.

 

“From where?” People don’t normally transfer to Arkadia.

 

Raven regards him carefully. “Harvard.”

 

Bellamy snorts. “Yeah, right. Raven, no one transfers to Arkadia from  _ Harvard _ .”

 

“Well I did, and I’d have to say, it’s an upgrade.” Clarke has returned, giving Bellamy a calculating once over.

 

“Well, princess, I’d say just about no one agrees with you,” Bellamy sneers. He’s lucky he gets go to college, and she had  _ Harvard _ and left it. What the fuck.

 

She gives him a saccharine sweet smile. “Good thing I didn’t ask anyone else’s opinion.”

 

Raven snorts. “God, I should’ve known this would go terribly. Clarke, this is Bellamy Blake?”

 

Clarke cocks a brow. “Really? I don’t see what the hype was about.”

 

“Pleasure’s mine, princess.”

 

“I’m sure, Rae, I’m gonna go find Octavia and Harper.”

 

Raven waves and turns back to Bellamy, rolling her eyes. “You’re an asshole.”

 

Bellamy smirks.

 

**November 14, 2018**

 

Bellamy’s head is spinning, he can’t even begin to process the situation he’s in.  _ This can’t be real _ . He must nod, because the officer continues speaking, though, and after the first apology, Bellamy barely hears a word.

 

The drive to the hospital is longer than any drive in his life; it takes fifteen minutes.

 

He’s directed up to a room on the fifth floor where he hardly listens to the doctor’s speech on her condition. Bellamy gets the gist of it, his wife is gone. 

 

He stands outside her room for a full minute before gathering up the courage to go inside.

 

There she is.

 

Except, it’s not her. Not really.

 

Clarke is hooked up to about a dozen machines, each one operating her body for her, as she no longer can. One is breathing for her, another is pumping her heart. Red and purple bruising spreads across her pale skin, disappearing underneath the white hospital gown.

 

She’s breathing, but she’s no longer alive. She will never wake up.

 

Bellamy chokes on his own breath, walking over to her slowly, as if any moment now he’ll be shaken awake from this nightmare by her smiling face telling him he’s late to work.

 

He can’t breathe, staring at her once kind and emotive face frozen and clinical, no trace of the woman he loves left.

 

Clarke Griffin was never a weak person. She was strong and fiery, always fighting for what she believed in. She was built to last. 

 

Looking down at her broken form, Bellamy feels himself break, crack, crumble. He can’t fathom his life without her by his side.

 

He’s afraid to touch her, knowing that she’s not really in there anymore.

 

**May 19, 2015**

 

Clarke rolls her eyes when she sees Bellamy standing on her threshold.

 

“Oh, it’s you,” she deadpans.

 

Bellamy smirks. “I know how excited you are to see me, princess.”

 

Clarke scoffs and turns around, collapsing on the sofa with with her computer without responding.

 

“Shouldn’t you be packing?”

 

“Why would I pack?” she asks without looking up. “I live here.”

 

“Don’t you have a castle to return to, princess?” he says a little mockingly.

 

“Nope,” she replies, popping the P.

 

“Oh, what, king and queen on vacation in Paris?”

 

Clarke stiffins. “The queen is probably drinking tea with her lovely new husband.”

 

Bellamy picks up on the fact that she ignored the ‘king’ comment, but doesn’t reply seeing as Raven emerges from her room at that moment.

 

“I thought I heard you two, couldn’t wait until I got popcorn?” she quips, lightly kicking Bellamy as she walks towards the kitchen.

 

“Not everything revolves around you,” he shoots back.

 

“Excuse you,” she says, affronted. “I’m awesome.”

 

“You’re an asshole.”

 

“Which makes you what?”

 

“I’m also an asshole, I accept it.”

 

Raven snorts. “At least you’re self aware.”

 

They settle into the couch, pushing Clarke into the small armchair so they can kick each other’s asses on playstation.

 

“Ten bucks on Raven,” Clarke says, as always,

 

“You’ll lose ten bucks.”

 

She grins. “Maybe, but it’s not like I’m ever betting on you.”

 

It’s only later, that Bellamy asks Raven about Clarke’s dad, receives a hard kick to the shins, and is softly told that he passed away three years prior.

 

Bellamy’s not great with apologies, so he leaves a box of Clarke’s favorite colored pencils, the really expensive artist ones, on her bed the next day and pointedly doesn’t make any jokes about her family when he sees her next.

 

It’s not an end to their rivalry by any means, but their barbs lose a little bit of bite after that, and she thanks him one night when they’re all really drunk.

 

It weirdly feels like a beginning.

 

**November 14, 2018**

 

A semi truck came around a blind turn too fast and hit Clarke’s driver side. There was nothing the paramedics could do.

 

Bellamy sits outside her room, unable to continue looking at her body.

 

He needs to call Raven, Monty, and Miller.

 

And Abby. He needs to call Abby.

 

Bellamy doesn’t talk to Clarke’s mother all that often. Abby and Clarke are still trying to work through their issues, and Abby blames Bellamy for her daughter not continuing into med school. They’re learning to be civil together, but she has always been detached. 

 

However, she’s still Clarke’s mother. She deserves to see her.

 

That’s who he calls first. It’s the easiest.

 

Then, he pulls up Miller’s contact.

 

He stares at it,  _ glares _ . 

 

Miller picks up after three rings. “What, dick? Monty and I are about to leave for dinner.”

 

Bellamy takes a deep breath. “Miller.” He sounds utterly wrecked, like his world has stopped and there’s no more oxygen for him to breathe. “It’s Clarke.”

 

Miller asks all the necessary questions before calling out to Monty and promising to be there immediately.

 

Raven.

 

Bellamy calls her immediately after, not wanting to risk her hearing it from someone else.

 

“Hey, tell your fiancée to call me back,” she snaps by way of greeting. Bellamy can’t hold back the choked sob in reaction. “Are you ok?”

 

“Raven…” How does he do this? How does he tell Raven that her best friend is  _ gone _ ? 

 

“You’re scaring me. Bellamy, where’s Clarke?”

 

Bellamy takes a breath, trying to calm down. He can’t respond for several moments before he finally whispers, “At the hospital.”

 

“ _ Shit _ , is everything ok?”

 

“No,” Bellamy sobs. “No, it’s not. It’s not ok, Raven you need to get here.”

 

“Bellamy?” she whispers.

 

“ _ God _ , please, Raven, you need to be here.”

 

“What happened?” She sounds small, terrified.

 

“Accident,” Bellamy manages. “Please.”

 

“I’m on my way.”

 

Miller and Monty arrive five minutes after he hangs up with Raven. They find him slouched against the wall, knees to his chest and head in his hands, shaking with sobs. 

 

“Oh  _ shit _ , Bellamy,” Miller mutters, crouching next to him and putting a hand on his shoulder. Bellamy looks up to see Monty standing frozen in the doorway to Clarke’s room.

 

“I’m so sorry,” Bellamy sobs. Miller pulls him close, wrapping his arms around him. Monty turns to stare at him, blinking through the tears.

 

“Is she…?”

 

Bellamy lets out another sob. He shakes his head and Miller tightens his hold. Monty sits on Miller’s other side, burying his face in his shoulder to hide his tears.

 

Thy don’t say anything, there’s nothing  _ to  _ say. Their best friend is gone.

 

Raven shows up soon after that, running down the hallways frantically. She stops as if hitting a brick wall at the sight of them.

 

She walks forward slowly, unblinking. She stops just outside Clarke’s room. She closes her eyes and clenches her fists as she turns to look into the room. She opens her eyes.

 

“ _ No!”  _ she half screams, rushing into Clarke’s room and falling to the floor halfway, sobs wracking her body. Bellamy pulls himself off the floor and follows her in, collapsing next to her. They wrap their arms around each other as they sob.

 

“I’m so sorry.”

 

“God, what  _ happened? _ ”

 

“Semi truck. She,” Bellamy heaves a huge breath. “She’s not waking up, Raven.”

 

Raven sobs louder, pulling him closer as they both drown in sorrow.

 

**November 26, 2015**

 

“Go  _ away _ , Bellamy,” Clarke mumbles, curling into her covers even further.

 

Bellamy sighs. “I am literally begging you to come to dinner. All of us will be there, you're not the only one who can’t go home.”

 

Clarke turns and glares at him. “I don’t care that I can’t go home,” she snaps.

 

Bellamy sits on the edge of her bed. “Then what’s wrong, princess? You’ve been upset all week.”

 

“It’s… nothing. It’s nothing.” She rolls back over.

 

“Clarke, talk to me. We’re friends.”

 

She doesn’t respond for a minute and Bellamy begins to think she’s just going to ignore him, when she pipes up. 

 

“Did I ever tell you why I transferred to Arkadia?” she whispers.

 

Bellamy furrows his brow. “You switched to art, fought with your mom about the degree change and then decided Arkadia’s program was way better anyway, right?”

 

“I switched to art because of Wells. He always wanted me to follow my passion and I only ever wanted to please my mother,” Clarke says bitterly. “I didn’t decide to change my major until he was stabbed.”

 

Bellamy sucks in a breath. “Clarke…”

 

“Mugging, the mayor’s son was killed in a mugging. I lost my dad, and then my best friend.  _ God _ , he was my brother. I decided he was right, I wanted to honor him. Thanksgiving was always this huge deal for our families, there were always so many people, so after the feast, Wells and I used to steal the wine and get drunk together, complaining about the woes of upper class living.” Clarke sniffs. She’s crying. “This is my first real one without him.”

 

Bellamy doesn’t respond, instead he hesitantly leans back against her pillows next to her. Clarke immediately turns over curling into his side, tears streaming down her cheeks. Bellamy wraps his arm around her, closing his eyes and taking on some of the weight she’s carrying. 

 

They stay like that until they drift off to sleep.

 

Raven wakes them up an hour later, reminding Bellamy to get back to his apartment to finish Thanksgiving Dinner. She winks at him as he leaves, so he rolls his eyes and turns away to hide his flushed cheeks.

 

Clarke shows up at his apartment with Raven at six thirty, right on time, wearing a cozy green sweater dress and red lipstick. Which, is  _ so _ not fair. He spends most of dinner trying desperately not to stare at her painted lips, which don’t smudge the entire meal, which Octavia fucking  _ comments _ on, of course. 

 

So he’s harboring a little crush. It’s fine. They’ve known each other for over a year, she fucking hated him for seven months of that. But they’re friends now, and Bellamy’s man enough to admit that he was only mean to her cause he wanted her attention. Just not to her. She can’t know that.

 

At the end of the night when they’re all a little drunk and stuffed full of Bellamy’s food, Clarke snuggles right up next to him on the couch, content smile on her face. “Thank you, Bell,” she whispers, and then she’s asleep. Bellamy grins at her like the lovestruck dumbass he is and presses a kiss to the crown of her head.

 

**November 14, 2018**

 

Abby Griffin arrives five hours later, having driven down with her husband immediately after getting the call. Everyone (Bellamy, Miller, Monty, Raven, Octavia, Harper, and Jasper) is sitting outside Clarke’s room, no one really ok with seeing her the way she is, lifeless.

 

Abby storms right up to him and, shockingly, pulls him into a tight hug. “Bellamy, thank you.”

 

He pulls away. “Why are you  _ thanking _ me?”

 

Abby sighs, a small tear tracing down her cheeks. “I’m thanking you for loving her, with all your heart. I’m thanking you for bringing her life so much joy. You kept her centered.”

 

“No,” Bellamy shakes his head, crying. “You’ve got it backwards.”

 

Abby wipes her tears away, nodding. “You changed her life for the better, and I’m sorry I couldn’t say it before.”

 

Bellamy nods, unable to respond. Abby turns to her daughter’s room, putting on her famed clinical persona and walking in. Marcus Kane, Abby’s husband, claps Bellamy on the shoulder, nodding solemnly, before following his wife. 

 

Abby calls for Clarke’s doctor and spends almost an hour in Clarke’s room with him, going over every miniscule detail of Clarke’s condition. 

 

The others decide to talk about their favorite memories of Clarke.

 

“Remember when she got really high and decided to adopt all the old dogs in New York City?” Monty asks.

 

Jasper laughs openly. “We were all so fucked. She went on a rant about how older dogs always go unadopted and how they deserve homes too. We rode the subway around the city for  _ hours _ .”

 

“I’m pretty sure she marched into every pound in the city,” Harper adds, “ready to save dogs from the slaughter.”

 

“That’s Clarke,” Octavia says. “Always caring about everything and everybody. She thought everyone deserves the world.”

 

Raven nods, smiling through the tears. “The entire time I’ve known her, she’s been so passionate about everything. Grades, friends, happiness. Everything but herself. She was always working for other people. I think that’s why she needed Bellamy so much. They’re the same that way, always caring too much for others and never enough for themselves. They balance each other.”

 

“She’s the kindest asshole I’ve ever met,” Miller adds.

 

“She does this thing, even before we started dating, where she forces me to go on her little rescue missions. That’s how we met Madi.”

 

**December 20, 2015**

 

They’ve been dancing around something for the past month. Every single one of their friends just wants them to profess their obnoxious love and bang. But they’re both pathetic, so, there’s that.

 

“Come on!” Clarke shouts, barging into his apartment. “We’re going out. Also, you should really lock your door.”

 

Bellamy grumbles and falls of the couch. He was up all night arguing with Octavia about her new boyfriend. The twenty four year old. Octavia is  _ barely _ twenty. “What do you want.”

 

“I just told you, we’re going out.”

 

“Out where?” Bellamy grumbles even as he disappears into his room for change into winter clothes. 

 

“That’s a surprise,” Clarke quips, practically shoving his scarf and coat at him. “Come  _ on,  _ Bellamy.”

 

“What are you so anxious about?” Bellamy asks, tugging his coat closer to combat the New York cold.

 

Clarke grins openly at him(he is so far gone for her). “I told you, it’s a  _ surprise _ .”

 

Bellamy rolls his eyes fondly and lets her drag him to the subway, all the way into Brooklyn, into a bad neighborhood. “What are we doing here, princess?”

 

“We’re going there.” She points to an old brick building with donation boxes outside and graffiti on the sidewalk.

 

Bellamy glances around the neighborhood. “This isn’t a safe place, Clarke.”

 

She huffs. “This is important to me, Bellamy. Please?”

 

“Fine,” he gives. “Lets go.”

 

They head into the old building. There’s an old woman who looks exhausted sitting at a makeshift reception desk. Kids of all ages are running around with mothers and fathers looking on tiredly. “How may I help you?”

 

“We’re donating gifts to the shelter, I was hoping we could talk to some of the kids and families about what they’d like most,” Clarke says excitedly, Bellamy works hard to keep his shock in check.

 

The woman stares at her strangely. “Ok, of course, I’ll round up the kids.”

 

She spends a few minutes gathering the families into the main room, several weary faces staring at Clarke and Bellamy. “How many families do you have here?” Bellamy asks.

 

“About twenty, right now at least,” The woman responds. Bellamy glances around the room, taking in the nervous faces of kids as young as three. They have no  _ home _ . Clarke starts going around with the kids, playing with them and teaching them games and asking what’s on their Christmas list. Bellamy watches her in awe, absolutely sure that she is the love of his life.

 

He looks around the room and notices a little girl sitting off to the side, no one noticing her.

 

“Hey,” Bellamy says kindly, sitting down next to her. She looks about thirteen, but she’s small, like she isn’t eating. Her hair is long and brown, tied back but matted. She stares at him, looking extremely worried. “I’m Bellamy. What’s your name?”

 

She looks down at her bare feet. “Madi.”

 

“It’s nice to meet you, Madi.” She bites her lip and looks up at him, but she doesn’t respond. “Do you want to play a game?”

 

She shakes her head. “I don’t know any.”

 

Bellamy smiles. “That’s ok, how about chopsticks? I’ll teach you.”

 

She smiles shyly, the first smile he’s seen from her, and it warms his heart.

 

They play chopsticks and dozens of other games for an hour while Clarke gets Christmas lists before she collapses next to him.

 

“Hi, I’m Clarke,” she says brightly. Madi retreats a little bit, but gives Clarke a hesitant smile. “I just wanted to thank you for getting this grump out of his shell.”

 

Madi smiles. “He’s not a grump, he’s nice.”

 

Clarke gasps. “Bellamy, you’ve been lying to kids, tricking them into thinking you’re nice?”

 

Bellamy nudged her shoulder. “Shut up. This is Madi. She has enough sense to like me.”

 

“That’s just cause she hasn’t met me. So, important question, what do you want for Christmas?”

 

Madi’s smile drops from her face and she looks down. “My mom.”

 

Clarke sobers. “What? Isn’t your mom or dad here?”

 

Madi shakes her head. “She left me here. They’re gonna put me into the foster system.”

 

Clarke comes back for Madi every single day until she graduates five months later. Then, she fosters Madi.

 

**November 14, 2018**

 

“Is she coming?” Raven asks quietly.

 

Bellamy nods. “Monroe is driving her here first thing in the morning.”

 

Raven squeezes his hand and Bellamy ducks his head into her shoulder to cry. “Hey, I know. I know,” she murmurs.

 

“How do I tell her? Bellamy whispers. “How do I tell her that the person who was always there for her, who  _ always _ cared for her, is gone?”

 

Raven shakes her head and doesn’t respond. She has no idea either.

 

They all fall asleep like that, huddled around each other outside Clarke’s room, each one of them with tear stained cheeks.

 

Bellamy is woken up by Abby around six in the morning. “Monroe texted you, she’s dropping Madi off right now, I’m going to go get her.”

 

Bellamy nods weakly and watches her walk down the hall before he wanders to find some shitty hospital coffee. He returns five minutes later, and everyone else is still asleep.

 

“Bellamy!” Madi comes running down the hallway, launching herself into Bellamy’s arms. “What’s going on? Where’s Clarke?”

 

Bellamy clutches her tight, refusing to let go. “Madi,” he whispers, letting his tears fall.

 

“Bellamy?” Madi pulls back, tears pricking her eyes as she searches his face for answers.

 

Bellamy sits them both down and holds her hand. “Clarke--Clarke is gone,” he chokes out. “God, I’m so sorry, Madi.”

 

“What?” her voice breaks and tears start to fall. “No, Bellamy. She’s not  _ gone _ !”

 

“I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry.” Bellamy pulls her close as the both cry, clutching each other like a lifeline.

 

All they have is each other.

 

**September 17, 2016**

 

Madi is sitting on the couch with Brooklyn Nine-Nine playing on the tv while she scrolls through her phone when Bellamy walks in.

 

“Hey, Mads, is Clarke home?” he asks.

 

She levels him with an unimpressed glare. “You know, you’ve gone past tragically cute to hopelessly pathetic.”

 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he sniffs.

 

“Look, I’m only telling you this for your own sanity. And mine. Clarke is hopelessly in love with you, she’s  _ told  _ me that. And I know you’ve been stupidly whipped for her for like ten years, so I swear to God if you don’t do something in the next twenty four hours, Raven and I are going to lock you in an elevator together.”

 

Bellamy splutters as Madi turns back to the tv, shrugging before laughing at Jake and Gina.

 

Bellamy shoves Madi’s words to the back of his mind and settles in to watch the show with her.

 

Clarke walks in on them laughing so hard they’re snorting at one of the episodes and grins softly at them.

 

“Clarke!” Bellamy shoots to his feet, swallowing his laughter and suddenly extremely nervous. 

 

“Like I said, hopeless.” Madi kicks him as she heads to her room, pointedly closing the door, even though he is 1000% sure she’s live texting Raven.

 

“Bellamy?” Clarke asks, and extremely confused smile on her face. “Are you ok?”

 

“Yeah,” Bellamy chokes out, “fine. Exceptmadisaidyoulikemeandiminlovewithyousoyoushouldprobablyknowthat.”

 

Clarke drops her bag. “ _ What? _ ”

 

Bellamy takes a deep breath, looks into her eyes and smiles shyly. “I’m in love with you.”

 

Clarke stares openly at him and the minutes drag on. Bellamy begins to second guess himself, maybe Madi was wrong, or pranking him, or  _ something-- _

 

“I can hear you thinking from over here,” she whispers.

 

Bellamy lets out a dry laugh. “That’s kinda on you, princess. Way to leave a guy--”

 

She launches herself into his arms, crashing her lips against his. They stumble backwards because of the force of her run and tumble to the ground, Clarke on top of him giggling happily. Bellay grins bright at her.

 

“Still not an answer.”

 

“God, you’re such a fucking dumbass, of course I’m in love with you, you nerd. Don’t be so melodramatic.” She swats his chest and he grins, wrapping his arms around her, keeping her anchored to his chest.

 

“You’re both dumbasses!” Mdi yells from her room.

 

“You aren’t off the hook!” Clarke shoots back before stifling her giggles in the crook of Bellamy’s neck.

 

Madi announces she’s going to stay with Mel for the night, promptly throwing her overnight bag over her should. She hugs them both, grins brightly, and disappears out the door with a wink.

 

“She spends too much time with Raven and Octavia,” Bellamy comments. They’re sitting on the couch, Clarke half in his lap and Brooklyn Nine-Nine still playing.

 

“I don’t know, it’s working pretty well for us.” She grins teasingly, pecking him on the nose. 

 

Bellamy presses a hot kiss to her jaw. “Yeah, you’re right.”

 

“I can’t believe it took us this long,” she laughs. Bellamy pulls her closer.

 

“I can, we’re both pathetic.” She pinches his side and they both burst into laughter.

 

They fall asleep cuddled together, never wanting to let go. As Bellamy watches Clarke’s breath flutter a stray golden curl, he realizes that he really never wants anyone else. This is the girl he’s going to marry.

 

**November 15, 2018**

 

Madi stares in horror at Clarke’s broken form, tucked carefully into Bellamy’s side. She turns her head and sobs into Bellamy’s shirt. 

 

It still feels like nothing is real, like this is simply the world’s most terrifying nightmare.

 

Clarke Griffin. The love of his life. His best friend. His partner.

 

Madi slowly takes Clarke hand in her own before jerking back. “It’s not her.”

 

“Madi--”

 

“No! It’s not her! She’s not gone, she’s my mom she  _ can’t _ be gone!” MAdi drops to the floor screaming hysterically. Abby and Miller come rushing in, helping her off the floor and pulling her out of the room. 

 

Bellamy watches her brokenly, frozen to the spot. 

 

He turns to stare at Clarke, her face frozen lifelessly. Her chest rises mechanically, short and clinical.

 

“Hey, Clarke.” Bellamy takes a deep breath and closes his eyes. “You’ve been gone for over sixteen hours now. I want everyone to be able to say goodbye. Madi’s not doing so well. Hell, I’m not doing so well. I need you, Clarke. I’ve forgotten how to live without you. My life began the day I met you, and I can’t go back. You always saw the best in everything, you always did your best for everyone. This world is going to crumble without you.”

 

He focuses on the tears streaming down his face, praying to a god he doesn’t believe in that Clarke hears him and knows just how much he loves her.

 

Clarke Griffin saved Bellamy Blake.

 

**March 18, 2017**

 

“Come on, Bell! It’s O’s last college spring break!” Clarke curls into him further, her arms around his neck as she sits across his lap, looking up at him with those puppy dog blue eyes.

 

“I’m not sending my baby sister on a drunken beach vacation, princess,” he replies, pointedly looking away from her. 

 

She pouts. “Technically, you aren’t sending her, it’s her choice. We just want you to come and not be an asshole. Besides, it’s a private beach house in small town Ft. Walden, Florida. You’ve got nothing to worry about.”

 

Bellamy scowls. “She’s going to invite her new  _ boyfriend _ . I don’t want to see that.”

 

Clarke turns in his lap and swings her left leg around so she’s now straddling him instead. She rolls her hips ever so slightly, teasing him as she smirks. “So focus on your hot girlfriend walking around in only a bikini.”

 

Bellamy groans when she rolls again. “Tempting.”

 

“Come on, Bell. I want you there. I love you,” she whispers. Six months together and she still can’t believe that she loves someone who actually loves her back. 

 

He sighs and dips his head. “I love you too. But I’m only going so that no beach whore tries to pick you up.”

 

“ _ Never _ ,” she giggles.

 

“Oh, you think it’s funny?” Bellamy smirks and flips them over so she’s on her back. He moves his hands down to tickle her sides, eliciting a screech as she tries to roll away.

 

“ _ Bellamy _ , you’re the--” she’s cut of by a gasp as he pokes at her side. “Traitor!”

 

They spends several minutes chasing each other around Bellamy’s apartment before they collapse on the couch, wrapped up in each other and grinning like idiots.

 

“Sorry,” Clarke gasps, pulling away. “It’s Madi.” SHe waves her phone in apology before picking up.

 

“Everything ok?” Bellamy asks, suddenly worried.

 

Clarke waves him off. “She’s fine, she and Rae are arguing about the best movie musical.” She puts her phone on speaker.

 

“It’s  _ obviously _ Mama Mia.”

 

“You’re so naive little Grif, the best movie musical will forever and always be Grease,” Raven shoots back.

 

Bellamy snorts. “Did you two really interrupt our anniversary date night to get our opinions on movie musicals?”

 

“Please, you’re probably cuddling on the couch,” Raven says, and Bellamy can  _ see _ her eye roll in real time.

 

“You’re both a major pain in the ass. The best movie musical is Singing in the Rain, as everybody knows. Now, goodnight.”

 

Bellamy rolls his eyes and tackles his girlfriend to the floor. “We need better friends.”

 

“We’ve needed better friends since college,” Clarke agrees before pulling him down to her.

 

Eventually, she pushes him away and sits up. Looking contemplatives and a little worried, nibbling on her bottom lip as she looks up at him. 

 

“Clarke? What’s wrong?” He places a hand protectively on her waist and looks in her eyes.

 

“You should move in with me,” Clarke blurts out.

 

Bellamy blinks at her. “What?”

 

“You should move in with me. Or I should move in with you, you have the better apartment. We love each other, it’s been six months and we love each other and you’re basically Madi’s dad and I just think that everything would be absolu--”

 

Bellamy crashes his lips into hers, teeth clacking because of how much they’re both smiling, causing the kiss to mostly just be smiling against each other. “I love you,” he whispers. “I love you. I love you. I love you!”

 

Clarke grins, giddy with happiness. She’s with the man she loves and could not possibly be any happier.

 

**November 15, 2018**

 

Bellamy sits through hours of the doctors talking to him about options for Clarke. There’s no chance of her waking up, Bellamy knows that, but he  _ needs  _ her here. He needs his future wife by his side. He finds her engagement ring and her locket from her father in the bag of belongings he’d been given by the doctor when he first showed up. He fiddles with the diamond ring while he watches the city rush by outside the window. 

 

“How are you?” Bellamy turns to see Harper standing nervously in the doorway, glancing nervously at Clarke’s body. He can hear the sadness in her voice and see the dried tear tracks on her cheeks.

 

Bellamy moves over so she can join him on the window sill. “I’m trying.”

 

“I know,” she whispers, placing her hand on his shoulder. “Madi fell asleep in Miller’s arms a few minutes ago, she’s still sobbing.”

 

Bellamy shakes his head. “What am I supposed to do, Harper?” 

 

“I don’t know. I know we all need to say goodbye, though.”

 

Bellamy pulls her unto a hug and cries. “I know.”

 

“Here.” Harper pulls back and takes the long chain of Clarke’s locket from him. She always prefered the chain to hang a little longer. SHe reads the engravement on the back “‘I love you everyday’. She was going to get the whole quote tattooed.”

 

“No, she was going to get the other one, about love finding a way to heaven.”

 

Harper reaches around and claps the locket around his neck, a few tears escaping as she does so. “DId you know she switched the pictures?”

 

Bellamy looks up, shocked. “What?”

 

“She told us she wanted to focus on not what she’d lost, but what she’d always have. Go ahead.”

 

Bellamy carefully opens the locket to find their picture from last Christmas; her in a Santa dress and hat with tight curls and cherry red lips pressed against his cheek. He looks stupidly in love with a wide grin on his face and two mugs of hot cider in his hands. The second picture is the three of them, him, Clarke, and Madi splashing around the fountain in Washington Square Park.

 

He closes the locket and holds it to his heart, letting silent tears fall. Harper hugs him one last time before leaving. Bellamy carefully places the engagement ring in a plastic bag and tucks it in his pocket. 

 

He kisses the locket before turning to go find Abby.

 

**July 2, 2017**

 

“Why is moving so  _ hard _ ,” Madi grumbles, collapsing on their new sofa while everyone else mills around her with unopened cardboard boxes. Clarke, Bellamy, and Madi are trying to finish up moving into their new brownstone in Greenwich Village, and Madi is not having it. She’s fifteen, about to start sophomore year, and really leaning into her sassy phase.

 

“Get up, babe,” Raven chides, pulling Madi by her legs until she’s on the floor in a huff. “We can work on your room.”

 

Madi practically launches herself up the stairs to the top floor where her bedroom is, dragging Raven and Harper with her. “Be reasonable!” Clarke yells after them, leaning back into Bellamy with a content smile.

 

“Come on, your mom is going to be here in five days,” Bellamy reminds her, handing her one of the kitchen boxes.

 

Clarke groans. “I know. She couldn’t wait until we got settled?”

 

Bellamy smirks. “This way she can blame the mess on me and add that to her list of reasons why you should dump me right away.”

 

“Not a chance,” Clarke quips. “Jasper, Monty,  _ no! _ ” She rushes over to where they’re tossing one of the smaller boxes back and forth over the couch. Bellamy laughs to himself before turning back into the kitchen.

 

He heads upstairs about an hour later to see what the girls are up to and stops dead in his tracks when he sees their work. The walls were painted a light greyish blue last week, but there’d been to decorations or furniture yet. A double bed is pushed up against the far left wall, above the bed is a large chalkboard with a little basket for chalk. Next to the bed on the far wall is a bay window similar to the one on the first floor, they’ve decorated it with dark grey throw pillows and the drawers beneath it are filled with her books. Christmas lights connect at the center of the ceiling and fan out in eight direction across the room. A full length mirror sits against the wall next to her dresser and her brand new record player sits on a tiny table next to that. Her stuff is spilling out of the closet and bathroom, but it looks like a teenage girl’s home. She has a  _ home _ .

 

“Bellamy?” Harper asks.

 

Bellamy snaps out of it and mutters a ‘fine’ as he scoops Madi into a hug. “I love you, kiddo.”

 

“Urgh. Bell, you’re squishing me,” she complains, half heartedly shoving him away. Bellamy pulls back and grins.

 

“Welcome home, Mads.”

 

She rolls her eyes but the flush on her cheeks gives her away. “You’re so overdramatic.”

 

Bellamy doesn’t deny it, just smacks a kiss on her forehead and grins before heading back downstairs.

 

The first floor of the brownstone is easy enough, just the kitchen and the living room with a small office space they’re turning into a studio for Clarke. She becomes a dictator when it comes to unpacking so they finish that rather quickly. The second floor is harder: An office, a lounge with a tiny couch and TV, and the master bed and bath.

 

They manage to get the place looking semi decent by sundown, so the group orders pizza and sits on the steps outside the apartment, listening to the sound of the jazz club down the street.

 

Bellamy has his arms around Clarke where she’s leaning against him back, all relaxed and content. “I love you,” he whispers into her hair.

 

“I love you too,” she grins. Snuggling closer and humming happily. 

 

He’s going to do it soon, he tells himself.  _ Soon _ .

 

**November 15, 2018**

 

Bellamy rounds everyone up outside Clarkes room. He takes a look at everyone: they’re all tired, heartbroken, Madi immediately wraps her arms around his waist, Miller and Monty are curled up together, Abby is stoic, but she’s holding kane’s hand so tight her knuckles are white, Harper and Raven have their arms around each other, with Jasper leaning his head on Raven’s shoulder. Octavia is sobbing into Lincoln’s chest, and even he has tears streaking down his cheeks.

 

Bellamy takes a shallow, shaky breath. “Clarke wouldn’t want this. We know she’s not going to wake up. Ever.” Maddi sobs. “She wouldn’t want her body to be kept alive by machines when she’s no longer there.”

 

“What are you saying?” Raven bites out.

 

Abby steps forward. “Clarke would want us all to move on. She wouldn’t want this, all waiting for something that’s never going to happen. Bellamy is saying that she’s gone. It’s time her body leaves too.”

 

Harper sobs and turns to bury her face in Raven’s arm. 

 

Bellamy lets the tears fall once more. “I think we should say goodbye.”

 

They all gather themselves, Abby talks to the doctor, and everyone gets ready. Miller goes in first. Alone. 

 

Bellamy sits farther from the rest of the group, clutching the locket and crying. He pulls out Clarke’s engagement ring and stares at it, all the memories of their short life together flashing through his head as he looks at the ring that symbolized just how much they loved each other.

 

**October 31, 2017**

 

“Voila!” Clarke announces, spinning out of her room in her floor length red and white greek style toga gown that has a  _ very  _  deep v neck. Gold rope and flowers of every color decorate the whole length and are expertly woven into her golden hair. She’s got blush painted lips and cheeks and little accents of flowers in her makeup too. Bellamy gulps and awkwardly readjusts his black robes and the drown of black and red thorns atop his curls.

 

“Wow.”

 

“Jesus, you’re both such  _ nerds _ ,” Madi says. She’s lounging on the couch outside the master bedroom in her assasin costume, bow flung to the side with her hair up in a thousand intricate braids done by Octavia. Bellamy’s still not a huge fan of the outfit. It’s tight black leather and her legs are shown off, at least it covers all the way up to her neck though. Madi had rolled her eyes when Bellamy had first expressed concern with the costume, but she was confident and he loved that she was comfortable. Madi’s going to a friend’s house for a small party of ten or so and staying the night, so Bellamy and Clarke are free to go to Octavia and Lincoln’s Halloween bash.

 

“This is an  _ intelligent _ costume, Mads,” Bellamy shoots back, wrapping his arm around Clarke’s waist and smacking a kiss on her pink lips.

 

Madi throws a pillow at them. “Get a room!”

 

They send her off around seven with ten bucks for pizza money and a kiss on each cheek. Clarke laughs when Bellamy spins her in his arms and kisses her soundly. 

 

“You look absolutely stunning, my queen,” he says. Clarke grins mischievously.

 

“Only the best for my husband.”

 

Bellamy actually chokes on his own breath. “We should.”

 

Clarke pulls back a little, confused. “What?”

 

“Get married, I mean. Husband and wife. The whole friends and vows and all.” Clarke smiles up at him looking completely shocked.

 

“Are you asking me to marry you?”

 

Bellamy stumbles a bit. “Yeah. I have a ring and everything, hold on.” He darts into his office and pulls it out of of the bottom drawer. “Here.” he gets down on one knee, best he cant in the whole Hades getup, and opens the little velvet box. The ring had been his grandmother’s, two silver strands twisted together like vines with a small diamond set where they seem to bloom. It’s vintage and Clarke starts crying.

 

“Oh my god.”

 

“Yeah,” Bellamy whispers, still holding out the ring.

 

A pause, and then--”Yes! Of course I want to marry you, you dork!” Bellamy stands and sweeps her into his arms, grinning like a lunatic and sliding the ring onto her finger, a perfect fit.

 

They show up to the party half an hour late and Clarke wastes no time screaming at the top of her lungs and wildly waving her left hand in the air.

 

“You proposed while you two were dressed as greek gods?” Raven asks incredulously.

 

“Are you surprised?” Miller asks.

 

Clarke smacks a kiss to Bellamy’s cheek. He still can’t stop smiling. “It was perfect.”

 

Madi’s eyes immediately zero in on the ring on Clarke’s hand when she gets home the next morning and grins. “Took you two long enough.” She hugs them both tightly in a little family group hug and runs upstairs to call Ethan and tell him her parents are finally getting married. Bellamy and Clarke both cry.

 

**November 15, 2018**

 

“Hey.” Octavia slides down to sit next to Bellamy. “I just said goodbye. Raven’s in there now, then you and Madi can go in.” She sniffs and wipes her tears. “I’m so sorry, Bell.”

 

Bellamy nods, slipping the ring onto the chain with the locket. “Thank you for being here, O.”

 

“I love you, big brother.” She tucks herself into his side and they cry together, holding each other and drowning in a familiar wave of sorrow.

 

First his father, then their mother, it’s all too familiar. 

 

Bellamy loses track of time, his mind a flurry of memories of the woman he loves, and jumps when Raven clears her throat. 

 

Her hair is askew and her eyes are wide and puffy, a little bit of the eyeliner she’d been wearing the day before streaked down her cheeks. Her voice is hoarse when she speaks. “I said goodbye. Madi’s waiting.”

 

Bellamy nods silently and pulls himself off the floor, squeezing O’s hand. Raven pulls him into a tight hug with a sharp sob and Bellamy holds her tight, understanding exactly that.

 

Raven takes his spot next to Octavia whole Bellamy walks slowly towards Clarke’s door, he wraps his arm around Madi’s shoulders and slowly leads her inside. 

 

Clarke looks exactly the same, still broken and empty. Madi chokes out a sob and buried her face in Bellamy’s chest. 

 

They sits side by side next to Clarke and Bellamy takes her hand. It’s cold.

 

“Mom,” Madi whispers. Bellamy jumps and stares at Madi. She’s referred to them as her parents but she doesn’t call them mom and dad. “I never got to say it. You’re my mom, and I love you so much. Please don’t leave me. Please don’t be  _ gone.” _

 

She breaks down again and Bellamy holds her tighter. “She knew, Madi. She always knew.”

 

“I know,” Madi sniffs. “You saved my life. You both did. I’m never going to forget you, ok?  _ Never _ . You’ve always watched out for me, and now you’re my guardian angel. I love you.”

 

Bellamy kisses the crown of Madi’s head. “She loves you too.” 

 

Madi nods and snuggles closer to Bellamy, closing her eyes and crying quietly. 

 

Bellamy sighs and turns to Clarke’s form. “Hi, Clarke. I miss you. I don’t think I’ve gone this long without talking to you since we met. Do you remember that night? I do. I became obsessed with you the second I saw you. God, we used to fight like no other, I can’t believe we ever hated each other. Correction, you hated me. I still can’t believe it took me  _ years _ to tell you how I feel. How I’ve always felt. You are my other half, my perfect match, the one person I know will never be replaced in my life. I have loved you for my entire life, even before we met, I knew that one day I would met someone who completed me in every way. You were always too good for me, though. Like when you dragged me to the shelter and we met Madi. Or when you ran out into the freezing New York winter to rescue a puppy in the snow. You are a goddess. You’re time on earth was simply borrowed before you return to your throne in the clouds.” Bellamy sighs. “My princess.”

 

**November 14, 2018**

 

“Remember, Mads is staying at Fox’s for dinner after dance, can you pick her up?” Clarke asks, looking frantically for her purse.

 

“Right, yeah, I can grab her,” Bellamy asks, watching the love of his life in fond amusement while she searches for the bag sitting on the counter next to him.

 

“Thanks, I’ll grab groceries on the way home.”

 

“Thanks, babe. Madi! Clarke’s heading out!” Bellamy shouts.

 

A second later she comes bounding down the stairs, half dressed with her hair a mess. “Bye, Clarke, love you!” She kisses Clarke on the cheek before rushing back upstairs.

 

“Love you too!” Clarke calls after her, rolling her eyes fondly. “Now where is my purse?”

 

“Oh, you mean this purse?” Bellamy asks thoughtfully with a shiteating smirk.

 

Clarke scows. “You’re the worst. Now I really have to go!”

 

Bellamy wraps his arms around her waist, kissing her soundly. “Don’t go.”

 

“I have to.”

 

“I know.” Bellamy releases her and walks her to the front door, handing her a travel mug and kissing her quickly once more. “I love you.”

 

“I love you more,” she grins back cheekily.

 

“If you say so, princess.”

 

**November 15, 2018**

 

The doctor steps into the room, nodding at the two of them sadly. “Are we ready?”

 

Abby stands next to Bellamy, smoothing a hand over Clarke’s hair. She squeezes his shoulder.

 

Bellamy gulps. “Clarke Griffin, my princess. I love you more than words. You are my bright light in the dark. In peace, may you leave this shore, in love may you find the next. Safe passage on your travels.” The tears fall. “I love you. May we meet again.”

 

He nods to the doctor and the line goes flat.

 

Clarke Marie Griffin.

 

Time of death: 8:32p.m.

 

1992-2018

 

Loving Mother, Daughter, and Friend.

 

A beautiful soul.

 

May We Meet Again.

**Author's Note:**

> Welp. That was a rollercoaster if I ever saw one. I truly home you enjoyed. Thanks for reading.
> 
> \- Etta


End file.
